I’m working on an idea and I need your help. “What’s the female equivalent of an old fart?”

Not someone who’s mean. A female version of my friend Scott. He’s not really old. And he’s actually kinda cool. I mean, he did send his dog to snake school when he moved to South America for ultimate surfing. Scott’s just somewhat of a curmudgeon. Old fart is a term of endearment in this instance.

Why a female version? When someone says “old fart,” doesn’t the image of a man usually come to mind? So, think about that person as a female. Here are some of the comments I received yesterday, but none of them still really do it for me.

• Cougar
• Old bag
• Old krone (which was also a choice from my friend Nick during dinner at church last night when I posed the question)
• Grumpy old woman
• Old fartess
• Old tart
• Elderly delicate breeze (extra points for creativity)
• Old ball & chain
• Little old lady
• Old bitty or biddy
• Old shrew
• Crazy cat lady (there has to be a story)
• Fuddydud

Now what do you call a female old fart? Leave your comment here. And be nice. This is a g-rated blog.