A few weeks ago I hit the reset button. Life had gotten too chaotic and I needed to intentionally carve out some space for clarity. Here are five things I learned:

1. Laziness isn’t cool.
Ironically, I came to this revelation a few weeks ago while walking the dog. Shortly into my walk, a friend called me on my cell phone. We talked briefly when we both realized we were in funky moods, so we prayed together on the phone for at least 30 minutes, while I walked Archie. I complained and whined to God about not wanting to do what He wanted me to do, about wanting my own way.

We prayed vulnerably to God and “in front” one another. After we finished praying, we talked through some of what we were thinking/feeling. It was then that I finally realized my disobedience was rooted in laziness, yet I couldn’t immediately bring myself to admit this to the same dear friend I had just prayed with. I was a bit like Fonzie from the Happy Days episode when he couldn’t say he was wr-wr-wr-wrong.

A few minutes later, I finally confessed to her and to God that I was struggling with laziness. I didn’t want to do A, B, and C because they were hard and I much prefer to take the easy way out. That’s when it hit me. Laziness is really an unacceptable sin. I mean, you hear high profile people confess adultery left and right but admit you wrestling with laziness? Who does that? My friend agreed and then transparently shared that she had been struggling with the very same thing.

2. It’s hard to admit my faults.
Specifically, it’s hard to tell Peter and a handful of close friends about my struggle with laziness, let alone post it for all the world to see. Even now. I’ve typed and deleted that phrase, or something similar, at least half a dozen times. But the reality is this: for the last few months, I’ve become increasingly lazy about doing what God has called me to do – have consistent quiet times, exercise regularly, eat right, and the biggie: WRITE. Instead, I’ve filled my days (and many of my nights) with a fixation on social media and connectedness that has inhibited my ability to do much of anything else with any degree of efficiency or success. I’ve gotten pretty good at rationalizing and justifying my behavior.

3. Social Media isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
For someone who’s spent the better part of the last two years heralding the benefits of social media, that statement may seem like heresy. But here’s what I mean. I went completely off the social media grid for more than a couple of weeks and no one really missed me. With only a very few exceptions, Friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter and contacts on LinkedIn never even missed me. Even here on the blog, the silence didn’t seem to matter to anyone (which has me thinking a lot about content, but that’s the subject for another post).

I’ve spent the better part of two years growing…what? A few cool relationships and a whole lot of acquaintances. Don’t get me wrong. I still think there’s great value in social media, both for professional and personal reasons. But I have to honestly evaluate how I’ve been using social media and what the next phase looks like.

4. My family needs me.
Lately I’ve sensed God calling me to focus more of my attention on my family. I’ve never wanted to be a stay at home mom and while that’s still not exactly the call, for the last few months I’ve been kicking and screaming, “I don’t want to!” Clearly, I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Period.

My fixation on all things social media, and the aforementioned laziness, have been hard on my family. I hate to admit it, but on more than one occasion, children have gone to school with dirty uniforms. Peter has had to shoulder far more of the domestic load than we previously agreed upon, based on the fact that I work fewer hours and most of those from home. Chaos crashed into our home like a tidal wave, leaving a path of destruction in its wake. I was stressed out all the time and not much fun to be around (of course, this could be part hormonal, but again, another post).

5. Reluctant Obedience is Costly.
For months now I’ve been partially obedient, slow to fully follow the call of God for my life. I’ve been dipping my toe in the water when God has said, take a dive! A few weeks ago I journaled about how my reluctance has been costly.

  • I’ve not walked in the joy that comes from knowing I’m doing exactly what God wants me to do.
  • Peter is weary from shouldering way more than his share of the load.
  • Our kids have been stressed out, and even their grades were adversely affected for a time.

What I hadn’t realized is that my reluctant obedience has also been costly to the people who need to hear the story of God’s faithfulness in my life, but can’t, because I’ve been lazy about writing it. Somewhere, there’s a devastated woman who needs hope because she just found out her husband has had multiple Internet affairs. There are single moms who need to hear that God provides. And there are college students who need to know that God’s grace is sufficient for mistakes made out of brokenness.

A Prayer
Father, please forgive me for my selfishness, rooted in laziness. Or laziness, rooted in selfishness. Either way, today I take the plunge and dive into the water. Jesus, thank you for your call to abundant life, and for your sacrifice which makes it possible. Holy Spirit, fill me with the same power that raised Jesus from the dead.

What about you?
Does any of this resonate with you?