And it wasn’t a pretty sight.

I’d like to apologize to the people in line behind me who were undoubtedly frustrated by my sudden departure. And to the person who had to put away an entire shopping cart full of stuff – the stuff that took me nearly two hours to collect, shopping by the list, being careful not to spend too much money or buy uselessly, like that time I bought a case of Vienna sausages.

I’d also like to apologize to the cashier, whose name I didn’t catch when she said I couldn’t use Peter’s membership card. Surely she didn’t realize the cupboards were bare, we were having company for dinner and were leaving the next day to go out of town. She didn’t set out to trigger a meltdown. Yes, I’d like to apologize to her.

But not so much to Manager Lady. She was like Broom Hilda with a badge.

The Agony of Defeat
Manager Lady was intimidating, at best. And I was afraid of being exposed as a non-card carrying, non-member.

Granted, Peter was there. Or at least he had been. We met in the Tire Department at lunch so he could buy new tires for the van. Tire Guy said the tires only needed a rotation, which was covered under warranty. Once that was settled, Peter grabbed lunch and we shopped a bit before he headed back to work.

So when Manager Lady confirmed I couldn’t use the card without Peter…I lied. I’m ashamed to admit it. It was definitely not my finest moment. I said Peter was in the Tire Department, hoping she would give me a break.

“He’ll have to come here to pay.”

I called Peter, then sheepishly told Manager Lady he had gone back to work. Maybe she would bend the rules.

“If I did it for you, I’d have to do it for everyone.”

That’s when I left the cart and walked in a huff back to the Tire Department, praying my car would be finished so I could leave.

Wouldn’t you know it? Not only was my car not ready, Tire Lady said I needed new tires. Tire Guy, now gone for the day, was wrong. And of course, I couldn’t pay for said tires because Peter wasn’t there!

A Meltdown Ensues
As I drove away on balding tires, I immediately knew the flood of tears had less to do with wasted time, an empty pantry or stupid store policies.

Psalm 51 came to mind:
“Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight…
You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.”

I prayed, asking God for His forgiveness, and His perspective.

Sometimes our kids do the same thing. Afraid of being exposed, they say what they hope will bring desired results, or what they think we want to hear. Peter and I ask ourselves, “Why don’t they just tell the truth?” We grieve, desiring intimacy and honesty. We extend consequences and offer forgiveness, waiting for the day they get it right.

I think God must be like that.

He answered my prayer that afternoon. He let me experience a natural consequence and then He showered me with forgiveness. And I gained at least a bit of His perspective.

How about you?
When has God shown you His perspective about your sin?

Creative Commons photo on Flickr by ATS547.