I’d like to apologize to the people in line behind me who were undoubtedly frustrated by my sudden departure. And to the person who had to put away an entire shopping cart full of stuff – the stuff that took me nearly two hours to collect, shopping by the list, being careful not to spend too much money or buy uselessly, like that time I bought a case of Vienna sausages.

I’d also like to apologize to the cashier, whose name I didn’t catch when she said I couldn’t use Peter’s membership card. Surely she didn’t realize the cupboards were bare, we were having company for dinner and were leaving the next day to go out of town. She didn’t set out to trigger a meltdown. Yes, I’d like to apologize to her.

But not so much to Manager Lady. She was like Broom Hilda with a badge.

The Agony of Defeat
Manager Lady was intimidating, at best. And I was afraid of being exposed as a non-card carrying, non-member.

Granted, Peter was there. Or at least he had been. We met in the Tire Department at lunch so he could buy new tires for the van. Tire Guy said the tires only needed a rotation, which was covered under warranty. Once that was settled, Peter grabbed lunch and we shopped a bit before he headed back to work.

So when Manager Lady confirmed I couldn’t use the card without Peter…I lied. I’m ashamed to admit it. It was definitely not my finest moment. I said Peter was in the Tire Department, hoping she would give me a break.

“He’ll have to come here to pay.”

I called Peter, then sheepishly told Manager Lady he had gone back to work. Maybe she would bend the rules.

“If I did it for you, I’d have to do it for everyone.”

That’s when I left the cart and walked in a huff back to the Tire Department, praying my car would be finished so I could leave.

Wouldn’t you know it? Not only was my car not ready, Tire Lady said I needed new tires. Tire Guy, now gone for the day, was wrong. And of course, I couldn’t pay for said tires because Peter wasn’t there!

A Meltdown Ensues
As I drove away on balding tires, I immediately knew the flood of tears had less to do with wasted time, an empty pantry or stupid store policies.

Psalm 51 came to mind:
“Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight…
You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.”

I prayed, asking God for His forgiveness, and His perspective.

Sometimes our kids do the same thing. Afraid of being exposed, they say what they hope will bring desired results, or what they think we want to hear. Peter and I ask ourselves, “Why don’t they just tell the truth?” We grieve, desiring intimacy and honesty. We extend consequences and offer forgiveness, waiting for the day they get it right.

I think God must be like that.

He answered my prayer that afternoon. He let me experience a natural consequence and then He showered me with forgiveness. And I gained at least a bit of His perspective.

How about you?
When has God shown you His perspective about your sin?

Creative Commons photo on Flickr by ATS547.

1. I was emotionally and spiritually prepared. For the few days leading up to their return, I was preparing myself for the transition. While I’ve missed my kids and couldn’t wait to see them, I also realized there could be some challenges with their re-entry. I journaled some of those challenges, prayed a lot and discussed a couple of other thoughts surrounding re-entry.
2. Our kids missed each other. For a few hours, our four children really enjoyed being together. It was especially heart-warming to see my 10 year old step daughter, with shrills and giggles, run out to greet her 14 year old step sister. She JUMPED into her arms. It was a sight to behold. The boys did the handshake/shoulder bump combo that is common with boys who don’t actually want to be caught dead hugging one another.
3. Kids need friends. At 14 and 12, my two are very interested in being with their friends. I believe this is a normal part of adolescence and so I was not surprised that shortly after returning, my 12 year old wanted to call his good friend, and head to Starbucks as a social activity. My 14 year old hasn’t yet jammed the phone lines, but she has already re-engaged with friends in person and on Facebook.
4. Bliss only lasts for so long. Sometime after the 24 hour mark, the nit-picking and arguing started. While I really DON’T like it, I understand that kids don’t always get along. This too shall pass. This afternoon when kids were reaching their breaking point, I realized it was A) time for a snack and B) time for some alone time/down time.
5. Bedtime is still my favorite. Once the kids are in bed, Peter says individual prayers with his two kids and I say individual prayers with my two. We snuggle, talk briefly and then we pray. Typically I’m the one who prays out loud, but last night my 12 year old son began the time with his own prayer, complete with arm pats. It was so sweet!

Here are just a few of the things that have kept us busy:

• Last night’s dinner in the dining room – barbecue ribs, homemade fries & salad
• This morning’s Aglow meeting – led by youth
• An afternoon with two extra teens – lunch, video games, guitar/keyboard/singing, making cookies, playing on the trampoline with the sprinkler
• Tonight – reading and watching a thunderstorm

Tomorrow is another day.

What about you?
How do you handle transitions with your children?

I’m not one of those people who enjoys cooking. For me, cooking has always been more of a chore than a source of pleasure. I’m pretty sure it stems from my childhood. Mom cooked simple southern meals, complete with biscuits or cornbread, in a sweltering Georgia kitchen (we didn’t have air conditioning for years) and served them to mostly unappreciative children and a harshly critical husband.

Nothing ever satisfied my father. If mom served biscuits, he wanted cornbread. If we had cornbread, he wanted biscuits. The food was either too hot or too cold. Too salty or not salty enough. I lived in the land of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, only in my house, nothing was ever “just right.”

Over the last four years I’ve come to identify some of my issues with cooking and even talked them over with my friend Rachel Hauck, who’s upcoming book “Dining with Joy” will be released in November.

Today, I revisited childhood issues
We had some blackberries that we needed to use before they went bad, so I decided to make blackberry cobbler. I looked in my church recipe cookbook (you know, the one with all those tried and true covered dish recipes) and found Nancy Wilkerson’s Easy Peach Cobbler. I figured I could substitute blackberries for peaches so I hastily gathered all the ingredients and went to work.

Step 2 instructed me to make a batter, but my mixture hardly seemed batterable. Ah, I had forgotten the milk. No worries. I added milk and voila – I had batter. Step 4 instructed me to mix 1 cup sugar and 1 cup water, then pour over the fruit/batter mixture. Um. Problem.

I never saw the water in the ingredient list. And I used all the sugar in the batter. If I added more sugar to the water mixture, it might be too sweet. Shoot! Step 5 said do not mix, so I couldn’t go back and mix it all in. I think the water/sugar mixture was supposed to cover the top to make it bubble and boil and turn all golden brown.

Now what had I done??

And that’s when all the old criticisms and less than perfect memories came bubbling up, faster than the blackberries in my cobbler. Which wasn’t technically cobbler anyway, because it was still in the pan on the counter. The knot in my throat resurfaced, but today the tears didn’t make their way out.

I’ve come a long way from that little girl who sat in that kitchen years ago, listening to my father berate my mother and her cooking. Yet for a few moments, I condemned myself for not reading all the directions before starting. But I didn’t allow myself to stay in that place.

I added slightly less than a cup of water, and said, “that should work,” and put the cobbler in the oven. I was, after all, improvising.

I’m happy to report that the cobbler is delicious! It would be great with a scoop of Breyer’s vanilla bean ice cream, a strong cup of coffee or even a glass of dessert wine. But it’s also wonderful, just the way it is. Mistakes and all.

God is like that too, don’t you think? He uses every circumstance to bring about His sweet goodness in our lives. We don’t typically know what it will look like when He’s finished, but we can trust Him for the outcome. I’m reminded of Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Mrs. James P. Wilkerson III’s Easy Peach Cobbler Recipe

Ingredients

• 1 c. flour
• 1 1/2 c. sugar (*my note: 1/2 cup in batter & 1 cup at the end)
• 1 c. water (*at the end)
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1 stick butter or margarine, melted
• 1/2 c. milk
• 1/2 tsp. vanilla
• 6-8 peaches, sliced

Line bottom of 9×12 inch pan with fruit. Mix flour, 1/2 cup sugar, baking powder, salt, melted butter, milk, and vanilla to make a batter. Pour batter over fruit. Mix 1 cup sugar and 1 cup water and pour over batter. Do not mix. Bake in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for one hour.

Bon appetit!

Let me know what you think, and please feel free to use the “share this” button to share this post and recipe with your friends on Twitter or Facebook.

• Val’s husband left her this fall after more than two decades (maybe three) of marriage. He picked her up from work and said he had moved his stuff out of their apartment. She has a grown son and a middle school son, and is facing the most challenging time of her life, emotionally, financially and spiritually.
• Nee and her husband separated sometime this fall as well. He was abusive and has left her and her two children (13 and 11ish) with emotional scars I can’t even imagine.
• LT and her husband divorced a couple of years ago so being a single mom isn’t new to her. But she’s still struggling. Just this week she bumped into her ex with his much younger girlfriend and was sent through a journey of emotion she hadn’t anticipated.
• My friend Lisa lost her husband slightly more than a year ago after a battle with cancer. She’s facing life as a single mom of a middle school boy, and still has good days and bad days.

This song, He Shall Feed His Flock by John Ness Beck, is for you. It’s taken from Isaiah 40:11.

Other friends who came to mind include:

• Ellen, Laurie and Tam – who view Mother’s Day from a different perspective. None of these ladies have biological children, but that hasn’t stopped them from investing in the lives of the children of friends, and kids in their churches. I’m certain the day brings a certain amount of pain for them.
• Stacy – who lost a baby this fall and is still hoping for “one day,” only to find that it’s “not this month.”
• ML – facing a difficult chapter in motherhood as she embraces tough love when everything within her is screaming out “embrace.”

I pray that God will bless you this weekend and make you aware of His Presence.

To Laura and Sharon, I will never forget your kindness to me during the Mother’s Days I spent as a single mom. You will never know how meaningful your Mother’s Day cards to me were, particularly when Hannah and Morgan were too small to remember on their own. You are the inspiration for this post. I love you both.

Who do you know that might be facing a difficult Mother’s Day? It’s not too late to pick up a flower, pick up a pen, or at the very least, pick up the phone. Someone will be blessed, and it just might be you.

And if you’ve faced a difficult Mother’s Day, how did a seemingly small action from someone else become a giant blessing for you?

Creative Commons photo on Flickr by Cheng I.

The surgery will be performed by two different doctors. Evidently my urologist doesn’t tack bladders and my gynecologist doesn’t do slings. Altogether, I should be under the knife for a couple of hours or less and will be in the hospital for about 24 hours. For the next 6-8 weeks I’ll be on pretty restrictive recovery, meaning no housework, etc. (It’s not all bad, at least for me.) Peter and the kids will be in need of prayer. :) I won’t be able to lift more than 10 lbs for 3 months. The real kicker is not being able to walk Archie, our 106 lb. golden retriever!

But, all that said, things are good and the surgery, while necessary, isn’t life threatening, and I realize how very blessed I am. Just wanted you to know so you could be praying. And if I’m silent here over the next few weeks, you’ll understand.

I suspect I’ll have some “forced abiding,” as my friend John Chandler put it.

When have you experienced forced abiding? Has anyone else considered this surgery? And if you’ve had the surgery, what tips would you offer me? Our family?

1. Laziness isn’t cool.
Ironically, I came to this revelation a few weeks ago while walking the dog. Shortly into my walk, a friend called me on my cell phone. We talked briefly when we both realized we were in funky moods, so we prayed together on the phone for at least 30 minutes, while I walked Archie. I complained and whined to God about not wanting to do what He wanted me to do, about wanting my own way.

We prayed vulnerably to God and “in front” one another. After we finished praying, we talked through some of what we were thinking/feeling. It was then that I finally realized my disobedience was rooted in laziness, yet I couldn’t immediately bring myself to admit this to the same dear friend I had just prayed with. I was a bit like Fonzie from the Happy Days episode when he couldn’t say he was wr-wr-wr-wrong.

A few minutes later, I finally confessed to her and to God that I was struggling with laziness. I didn’t want to do A, B, and C because they were hard and I much prefer to take the easy way out. That’s when it hit me. Laziness is really an unacceptable sin. I mean, you hear high profile people confess adultery left and right but admit you wrestling with laziness? Who does that? My friend agreed and then transparently shared that she had been struggling with the very same thing.

2. It’s hard to admit my faults.
Specifically, it’s hard to tell Peter and a handful of close friends about my struggle with laziness, let alone post it for all the world to see. Even now. I’ve typed and deleted that phrase, or something similar, at least half a dozen times. But the reality is this: for the last few months, I’ve become increasingly lazy about doing what God has called me to do – have consistent quiet times, exercise regularly, eat right, and the biggie: WRITE. Instead, I’ve filled my days (and many of my nights) with a fixation on social media and connectedness that has inhibited my ability to do much of anything else with any degree of efficiency or success. I’ve gotten pretty good at rationalizing and justifying my behavior.

3. Social Media isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
For someone who’s spent the better part of the last two years heralding the benefits of social media, that statement may seem like heresy. But here’s what I mean. I went completely off the social media grid for more than a couple of weeks and no one really missed me. With only a very few exceptions, Friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter and contacts on LinkedIn never even missed me. Even here on the blog, the silence didn’t seem to matter to anyone (which has me thinking a lot about content, but that’s the subject for another post).

I’ve spent the better part of two years growing…what? A few cool relationships and a whole lot of acquaintances. Don’t get me wrong. I still think there’s great value in social media, both for professional and personal reasons. But I have to honestly evaluate how I’ve been using social media and what the next phase looks like.

4. My family needs me.
Lately I’ve sensed God calling me to focus more of my attention on my family. I’ve never wanted to be a stay at home mom and while that’s still not exactly the call, for the last few months I’ve been kicking and screaming, “I don’t want to!” Clearly, I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Period.

My fixation on all things social media, and the aforementioned laziness, have been hard on my family. I hate to admit it, but on more than one occasion, children have gone to school with dirty uniforms. Peter has had to shoulder far more of the domestic load than we previously agreed upon, based on the fact that I work fewer hours and most of those from home. Chaos crashed into our home like a tidal wave, leaving a path of destruction in its wake. I was stressed out all the time and not much fun to be around (of course, this could be part hormonal, but again, another post).

5. Reluctant Obedience is Costly.
For months now I’ve been partially obedient, slow to fully follow the call of God for my life. I’ve been dipping my toe in the water when God has said, take a dive! A few weeks ago I journaled about how my reluctance has been costly.

• I’ve not walked in the joy that comes from knowing I’m doing exactly what God wants me to do.
• Peter is weary from shouldering way more than his share of the load.
• Our kids have been stressed out, and even their grades were adversely affected for a time.

What I hadn’t realized is that my reluctant obedience has also been costly to the people who need to hear the story of God’s faithfulness in my life, but can’t, because I’ve been lazy about writing it. Somewhere, there’s a devastated woman who needs hope because she just found out her husband has had multiple Internet affairs. There are single moms who need to hear that God provides. And there are college students who need to know that God’s grace is sufficient for mistakes made out of brokenness.

A Prayer
Father, please forgive me for my selfishness, rooted in laziness. Or laziness, rooted in selfishness. Either way, today I take the plunge and dive into the water. Jesus, thank you for your call to abundant life, and for your sacrifice which makes it possible. Holy Spirit, fill me with the same power that raised Jesus from the dead.

What about you?
Does any of this resonate with you?

Seriously, I felt like I was in “The Shining” at one point.

I’m a Georgia girl who never learned how to drive in the snow and ice. I only have one recollection of any significant accumulation when I was little. If memory serves me correctly, it snowed 14 inches one winter (anyone else living in Augusta during the late 60′s or early 70′s can confirm or deny).

Despite the fact that I’ve lived in Virginia since January of 1987, driving in snow and ice still freaks me out a bit. OK, a lot! Really. My Lamaze breathing helps with the stress level, but not with the fear.

This morning as Peter was getting ready to go to work, he suggested that he take the mini van and leave me his jeep. (He’s from Canada. He’s been driving in this stuff his whole life, and rather enjoys it.) He suggested that I could take the kids to the top of the street to meet the bus.

Um, hello? Are you on crack?

“I’ll give you driving lessons. You can do it. Trust me.”

The mere thought of driving, even with 4WD, caused me to break into a panic. This is not hyperbole. My heart rate increased and I couldn’t breath. My Lamaze breathing wasn’t working.

But Peter was reassuring. “I’m a great driver (which he is) and I can teach you.”

After he shared a few additional encouragements about his trustworthiness, I hesitantly agreed, questioning my own sanity.  We went for a test drive – him first. The road was bad. I had thoughts of chickening out. I asked lots of “what if” questions and asked for demonstrations in sliding and sudden breaking. Finally, it was my turn.

I did it! (You can see some photos of our street on my Posterous feed here.)

And you know what? It wasn’t that difficult. I simply had to do it. I was afraid but he talked me through it. After he left for work, I took the older three to the top of the hill to meet the bus. An hour later, I took the youngest.

Now I’m thinking about fear. For the last 10 days (and countless snow days before) I’ve been stuck at home, afraid to venture out. I missed out on freedom. And I kept my kids snow bound as well.

In the broader sense, fear has held me back from accomplishing the next thing.

I’m getting better. Thanks to Peter, I’m tackling some of the most significant fears of my life. Driving in snow and ice is nothing compared to some of the other fears I’m facing these days.

Somewhere I heard that God sometimes does in the natural what He is about to do in the spiritual. And I’m reminded of 2 Timothy 1:7 which says God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind. I’m getting ready for the next thing.

How about you?
What are you afraid of? Who’s pushing you to conquer your fears? Are you stir crazy enough to face your fear?

Here’s what we’re doing to make dinner at our house is more enjoyable:

1. Make Adjustments for Growth. When all six of us are together, we eat around our large dining room table. Initially, this was a very practical decision. Our family is growing and we’re tall people. The kitchen table is now too small to hold our family of six for any length of time. Eating in the dining room also feels more special, which is one unintended benefit of the change.
2. Communicate New Roles Clearly. And Be Thankful. Saturday through Tuesday (the days when all four children are here), each child has a specific night assigned to say the blessing. It’s interesting to see how they’re maturing in their gratitude. The order is written on the back of the pantry door so there’s no misunderstanding.
3. Change Things Up a Bit. No one sits at the same spot every night. Whoever says the blessing also sets the table and assigns seats. We use home made place cards and even make new ones when we have guests for dinner. We gain new views and learn to get along with everyone.
4. Make Conversation Fun. The blessing person asks each person a question and the person responds accordingly. One person at a time. We have a couple of options: “Good Thing/Bad Thing” and “Joke.” I heard one time that the Wayans family told jokes around the table and can only imagine how much fun they had as kids. (I welcome all kid-friendly jokes in the comment section.)
5. Build Ownership. Each child takes a turn in menu planning and meal preparation. We give guidance for healthy choices and assist in preparation. This initially began to help with grocery shopping/budgeting but there are additional benefits as well. Everyone is assured they’ll have one meal they like and are growing in their consideration of others’ choices.
6. Clean Up Messes Together. As soon as the first person is excused, he or she begins cleaning, starting with his or her own dishes. As the rest of us are excused, we take our plates, glasses, etc. and load them in the dishwasher. The kids help put away food and wash any dishes (by hand, can you imagine?) that won’t fit into the dishwasher. It works out perfectly with four children: one washes, one rinses, one dries and one puts away. (Confession, sometimes Peter and I use this time to steal a few minutes of quiet conversation in the Living Room.)
7. Build Experiences that Create Memories. We’re hoping that family dinners become experiences our kids will remember, positively. As they reflect on family times, hopefully they’ll remember at least a few special times around our table. And broaden their repertoire of “knock-knock” and “why did the chicken cross the road?” jokes.

As I type this list, I realize there could also be a few business implications for engaging employees and customers. What do you think?

How are you growing relationships?
And what’s the best kid-friendly joke you know?

This post was inspired by Michael Hyatt’s post, “How To Have Better Dinner Conversations.”

If you don’t know the answer to that question, now is probably a good time to check the privacy setting of your teen’s Facebook account. But first, here’s the back story.

Last night Peter was viewing our teen’s Facebook page and noticed a comment from one of her friends. He didn’t know this friend so he decided to check him out. To his surprise, we discovered that he was able to see a lot of information on her friend’s Facebook page including wall posts, photos and contact information. He checked the pages of a couple of the other friends and noticed the same thing! Keep in mind, for most of these kids, he is not connected with them as a friend. So, the explanation is this: either their info is open to friends of friends, or to everyone.

After some discussion, Peter and I both posted status updates in our Facebook accounts to advise parents to check their settings. I also did this on my Twitter feed and asked others to please RT (retweet/share) the information with others. We learned last night that one of our friends’ son’s Facebook page was wide open for all to see. It occurred to me tonight that many parents may not know exactly how to check settings and what to look for, so I’ve written this post with those parents in mind.

Six Settings You Should Review With Your Teen

1. Once in your teen’s Facebook account, have them click on the “Settings” tab and scroll down to the “Privacy Settings” option. Select that.
2. Then do a step-by-step examination of the settings listed there, starting with “Profile Information.” Pay special attention to birthdate/year (consider implications for possible identity theft as a valid concern). Many kids list their schools and graduating year, and hobbies/sports – making it easy for predators to find unsuspecting teenagers, particularly those tagged in photos or videos that everyone can view. (I don’t want to sound like an alarmist. Rather, I simply think it’s important that parents have these discussions with their teens and choose the option that best fits your family preferences.) Be sure that your teen’s “Profile Information” settings reflect what you’ve discussed.
3. Next view your teen’s “Contact Information.” What information do you want available to friends, friends of friends, everyone, etc. Is your teen emotionally mature enough to discern how to share contact information appropriately? If yes, doing so on Facebook makes it easy for friends to keep in touch. If not, you may want to keep that option completely private or make it customizable. Discuss this with your teen to make sure you both are on the same page.
4. It is important that your teen understand the “Applications and Websites” settings. Every application they select gives the creator of that application access to some parts of their data. In theory, everyone plays by the rules and uses the data in accordance with Facebook’s Terms of Service. Reality is sometimes a different story. Simply stated, be aware. Until recently our daughter was a fan of far too many pages and had signed up for countless applications. Within the last week we asked her to review her groups/pages and delete any that were not legitimate brands. (Some deleted examples could have included: I’m a fan of “Making Snow Angels” or “Today is Backwards Day.” I don’t know if either of those actually exist, but hundreds and maybe thousands of fan pages exist that are nonsensical, giving veiled creators access to a lot of information.)
5. There are two “Search” settings and you should review both. The first is the “Facebook Search” setting, which allows other Facebook users to find you if they type in your name. It may make sense for you to make this setting less restrictive, if you want your teen to be found by other friends/relatives, etc. Again, determine what works best for your family and adjust your setting accordingly.  The second search setting is “Public Search Results.” This option allows search engines to access your teen’s publicly available information as well as any information set to “Everyone.” Parents note: There is an option to “Allow” this or not.
6. And finally, there is a “Block” setting. Should your teen face problems with Facebook users, or if you know in advance that you don’t want certain people to have access to your teen’s account, you have the option to block those users by typing in the person’s name or email address.

Facebook is a wonderful way for teens to interact with others. Discuss privacy and safety with your teen now, in a way that is both informative and proactive. If you still feel intimidated and want some help, send me an email to cheryl at culturesmithconsulting dot com. I’ll be happy to provide you with a 30-minute online review of your settings for a nominal fee.

What am I missing? And if you’ve done this with your teen, what have you discovered (either favorable or unfavorable)?

And there’s the rub for people in the midst of divorce. Family, friends and traditions change. Drastically.

For the last couple of days I’ve been reminded of what my first post-separation Christmas was like. Difficult.

As I write this, I’m at a completely different place in life. Remarried. Blending a family with four children. Loving work and life. Through it all, God has been faithful. But for some reason, I feel compelled to remember that first Christmas as a single mom.

Perhaps if you’re in a similar space you’ll recognize you  aren’t alone. Or maybe you’re happily married, or happily single. Show some love to those in the midst of divorce and single parenting this Christmas.

My (First) Post-Separation Christmas Challenges
My ex husband and I separated when our children were very small. Our daughter was two and our son was two weeks old. That was in March of 1998. The months that followed were the most difficult of my life. Everything was challenging.

1. Family changed. Initially after the separation, we said we’d keep in touch. Things would be the same. We loved each other and the divorce was not about them.Reality was a different story. Despite efforts to keep in touch, we grew apart and it wasn’t anyone’s fault.  That Christmas there was a sadness and a sense of grief at the loss of relationship with a grandmother, aunts & uncles, cousins, and yes, even in-laws.
2. Holiday traditions were awkward. The sight of streets and streets of luminaries brought tears of sadness, rather than tears of joy like usual. Dinners, brunches and even the beloved Celtic Christmas Eve service felt awkward and lonely.  I was isolated yet surrounded by a sea of friends. The loneliness was deeper and more painful than any I’d known before or since.
3. Stress was palpable. Money was scarce. Our kids were so small that the inability to buy presents wasn’t really the issue. Uncertainty was. I was looking for a full-time job. Days before Christmas he was fired. We had two residences living on my meager part-time income and the providence of God.  We had not yet been to court to determine custody nor child support. We had sold our house and the kids and I had to be in a new place within 45 days. Imagine trying to find an apartment not knowing where you would be working, what kind of income you would be making and not knowing what money you would be receiving in child support. I was STRESSED OUT!

Friends Gave Unexpected Blessings
I’ve been journaling since I was 12 years old. It’s a good thing because my memory couldn’t possibly contain all the important events I want to remember. While writing this post, I pulled out my journal from that first Christmas and was reminded of two blessings I had forgotten. The third I didn’t forget because of a tangible reminder.

1. A baby doll for Hannah. A long-time friend/the mom of a co-worker, Julia Clingenpeel, gave me a baby doll to give to my nearly three-year old daughter for Christmas. Even now, the thought brings me to tears because there is no way I could have bought such a gift for my brown eyed girl.
2. A Ham for meals. Another friend, Laura Proffitt, received a ham and a turkey from her employer. She gave the ham to us, very likely not fully realizing it would be our mainstay for days of meals. Before the separation, I never imagined a ham would be such a blessing!
3. A journal for my thoughts. After the kids went to their dad’s apartment on Christmas Day, dear friends Andy & Sheila Andrews invited me to spend the day with their family so I wouldn’t be alone. Being with them was gift enough, yet they touched me even greater by giving a gift that still blesses me to this day. A journal. My then current journal had only a few more blank pages and I didn’t have even enough money to buy a new one. They had no idea!

The Greatest Unexpected Blessing
Many of you are in difficult places this holiday. Divorce, deaths, job loss, uncertainty. Life is hard and challenges are real. I’m sorry. It stinks. This one thing I know. God is enough. He alone is Faithful.

This season may you know and experience Emmanuel – God With Us. Truly, the fact that God left a home in heaven to come to earth as helpless baby Jesus, who grew, taught us how to live, died on a cross for us, rose again after three days and now lives in us through the power of His Holy Spirit is the greatest unexpected blessing of all.

Your Response

• What about the holidays is particularly challenging for you?
• What unexpected blessings have you received that were particularly meaningful?
• And if you’re in a good place, a place of abundance, how can you give an unexpected blessing to someone this Christmas?