For the last few years, on the evening of the BB&T Virginia 10-Miler, Schmitty and I have attended a beer tasting party/cookout hosted by some friends of mine. The second year, Schmitty (an Introvert) asked me for some tips on how to start a conversation with someone he’s never met before. I encouraged him to have fun and then gave him some questions to ask, similar to the ones below. (I’m also including “10 Conversation Starters for Business Events” and “2 Questions to Avoid and Why.”)

7 Easy to Ask Questions for Social Events

1. How do you like the band/beer/play (fill in the blank) so far?
2. How do you know the hosts? (This tells me about connections and helps me find possible similarities.)
3. What do you do when you’re not at cookouts? (work/family/hobbies)
4. What do you do for a living? or Do you work outside the home?
5. What do you do for fun?
6. How did you end up in Lynchburg?
7. How did you two meet (if you’re talking to a couple)?

10 Conversation Starters for Business Events

1. What does your company do?
2. What’s the best part of working there?
3. What’s the biggest challenge your industry is facing right now? Or What is the most difficult aspect of your job? (I’m uncovering how I can help or whether or not I know someone who can.)
4. What do you do for your company? (What is this person’s area of expertise? If I know others with the same job experience, I may be able to connect them. Or - this person does what Jamal does. Now I get it. Or, Lester’s looking to hire someone with this experience. Might she be interested in making a change?)
5. What do you love about your job? (This could uncover personal motivation and possibly, company culture.)
6. What’s been the best thing that’s happened at work in the last year? (Again, personal motivation among other things)
7. What does it take for someone to be successful at what you do?
8. What tools do you need/use to do your job? (Is there a way I can learn from their efficiencies or point to a better solution? Who do I know that can offer those products/services to this person?)
9. What does your ideal client/customer look like? (Do I know someone or several someones this person just described? Can I help facilitate a connection?)
10. Who do you need to meet/what do you need to help you take your business to the next level?

2 Questions to Avoid and Why

1. Do you have any children? (if Kai is struggling with infertility or has recently lost a child, this is a very difficult question for her. Most parents naturally divulge the children information at some point in a conversation.)
2. Are you married? Unless you want to ask this person out, steer clear of this one. If Bence is going through a divorce, he may not be ready to go into an explanation. You may not be ready to get an ear full.

Here’s the Thing

Schmitty didn’t meet every person at the cookout. That’s not his style and he’s comfortable with that. He did, however, make the effort to meet a few new people, while still maintaining some quiet space of his own at times, sitting in his camp chair or playing with the kids, or people watching. At the end of the night, Schmitty said he really had a good time. You can too!

What questions do you use when meeting new people?
What questions do you avoid and why?
How has your business benefitted from your use of good questions and what were/are they?

Note: This post is the second of a two parts on “Networking (in person) for Introverts.” To read the first part, click here.

You’re an introvert and you suddenly realize networking isn’t an option. Maybe you’re a small business owner and you need to meet new people to grow your business. Maybe your boss wants you to attend some networking events to gain additional visibility for the company. Or perhaps your significant other is dragging you to a social gathering where you’ll be surrounded by people you don’t know. Whatever the case, relax. You can do it and you can do it well. And you just might have some fun in the process!

A Little Background
By definition, an introvert is someone who is shy and primarily concerned with his or her own thoughts or feelings. Being introverted is neither good nor bad. It just is. It’s like being a brunette or a red head.

If you’re an Introvert, you can be just as effective as extraverts when meeting new people. You simply must be more intentional in order to overcome that natural shyness. At the end of such an experience, you may feel drained and in need of recharging your batteries. Fortunately, this can be accomplished by spending time alone or with a very small group of trusted people.

Introverts process internally. They may rehearse ahead of time what they will say to others, whether it’s for a formal presentation or a phone call to a friend. They also want to know what to expect in a given situation. With that in mind, you may find the following networking tips helpful.

A Baker’s Dozen

1. Be positive. Successful networking starts with your attitude. Don’t worry so much about your own shyness or sense of fear. Instead focus on the other person and getting to know him or her.
2. Plan early. If it will put your mind at ease, find the location ahead of time so you know where you’re going and can get a feel for the lay of the land. Doing so will eliminate your need to arrive so early that you end up being the first one there. Not fun at a networking event.
3. Smile.
4. Make and keep eye contact.
5. Extend your hand. A good handshake (web-to-web, firm but not ironclad, and no excessive pumping) is always appropriate.
6. Ask open-ended questions (questions that result in conversation rather than yes/no answers) to uncover common interests and experiences.
7. Speak up. Since the introvert is naturally shy, the tendency is to speak softly. Be sure to enunciate your words clearly and speak loudly enough for the other person to hear you. Be intentional about this!
8. Have a partner. If possible, attend networking events with someone you know. You can tag team one another and when necessary, your partner can help facilitate conversation or rescue you in an uncomfortable situation.
9. Be mobile. Once you find a comfortable conversation, it’s tempting to stay there for the entire event. Move around the room and be sure to meet at least three different people. Afterall, that’s the whole point of networking events - to meet new people.
10. Exchange business cards. Once introductions are made, ask for the other person’s business card and offer your own. Pay attention to the card details/design and if appropriate, comment about it.
11. Make notes. After the conversation is finished or the event is over, make a few notes on the back of the business card to help you remember items discussed.
12. Track the data. Once you leave the event, enter the contact information into your contact management system (Outlook, entourage, ACT! or even gmail). Include the notes you wrote on the back of the card and any additional thoughts.
13. Follow up. Depending on the desired outcome, send a note, an email or give the person a call. Be sure to include comments pertinent to your conversation. Schedule calendar appointments or tasks for additional follow up at regular intervals - 3 months, 6 months, a year, etc.

Tomorrow I’ll post a list of open ended questions and conversation starters that I’ve found helpful when getting to know new people. Today, I want to leave you with a couple of questions about your own networking experiences.

What networking tips have you found to be helpful? How is networking in person the same or different from networking online?

While driving home from a recent lunch meeting, a weird thought popped into my mind. What would Jesus tweet? (Maybe you’re familiar with the whole WWJD craze, which admittedly, has been quite cheezy at times. Catchy though.)

Let me say right off the bat with the disclosure that I’m not a theologian. I don’t pretend to fully understand the many great mysteries of the gospel. As Paul said, “I see through a glass dimly.” This post is meant to be fun and engage people in conversation.

By way of background and according to their website, Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick (140 characters or less), frequent answers (tweets) to one simple question: What are you doing?

People use Twitter for far more than answering that one question. Twitter has become an online gathering place. According to Tech Crunch, as of March 2008 Twitter had more than 1 million users who produce more than 3 million tweets a day.

Those numbers are growing rapidly.

Perhaps before I ask “What would Jesus tweet?” I need to first ask the question, “Would Jesus even tweet at all?” After all, Jesus’ lengthy “Sermon on the Mount” couldn’t be summed up in 140 characters. Jesus engaged in real conversations and in-depth teaching.

Sermon length aside, suppose Jesus would be an early adapter and therefore, would sign up for a Twitter account in the first place. After all, Jesus often related to people in ways that differed from the expectations of those in the mainstream. And He had followers. Lots of them. How would Jesus have used Twitter?

Clearly define purpose/mission:
I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.
I am the Good Shepherd.
I am the Gate.
I am the Bread of Life.
I am the Vine.

Additionally, Jesus was pretty good at cutting to the chase. He challenged and encouraged his followers then, as now:

• Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind & strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. (Matt. 22:37-38)
• Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave. (Matt. 20:26-27)
• With men this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. Matt. 19:26
• Your sins are forgiven. (Mark 2:5)
• You give them something to eat. (Mark 6:37)
• But who do you say that I am? (Mark 8:29)
• With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible. (Mark 10:27)
• Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I’m here inviting outsiders, not insiders—an invitation to a changed life, changed inside and out. (Luke 5:31)
• Which is easier to say? Your sins are forgiven or rise up and walk? (Luke 5:23)
• Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. (Luke 6:27)
• Her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little. (Luke 7:47)
• I have come that you might have life, and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10)
• A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another. (John 13:34)

What do you think? Would Jesus use Twitter? Why or why not? And if so, what would He Tweet? How can you follow His example to communicate clearly, in ways that make an impact in your business? In your life? In the lives of others?

Lately I’ve been so busy working on my business (revising the website, preparing for a client project, learning about social networks, blogging, etc.) that, at times I’ve lost sight of what’s most important - the people around me. The cost of doing business had skyrocketed higher than the price of gasoline and I was completely taken by surprise.

Last night after I said prayers with Sweet Pea and made my way into the hallway just outside her bedroom door, she called me back into her room. My 12-year old daughter wasn’t finished talking. I hadn’t given her enough time. So I went back into her room to hear what she had to say. WHAT she said was not really all that important. The fact that she WANTED to talk was, and I needed to listen.

This morning as Schmitty and I were starting off our day, he pointed out that in the last few weeks we’ve not been very intentional about taking care of our relationship. To be fair, we’ve had a lot going on. Work - his and mine, two trips to Canada related to his father’s hospitalization and passing. We’ve run from soccer field to softball field, to violin lessons, and appointments out the wazoo.

But he was right. We have a great relationship, so it’s fairly easy to notice when something is even slightly off kilter.

Today when my lunch appointment had to reschedule, I saved the block of time so Schmitty and I could have lunch together. We reconnected, though briefly. He had leftover chicken wings and I ate a peanut butter and banana sandwich. And it was good.

The personal cost of starting/running your own business can be great. Today I needed to remember that I don’t want to pay that cost by sacrificing the people around me. My marriage and our family are simply too important.

What about you? How do you keep track of the personal cost of doing business? What do you do when you get off track?

One of the smartest moves I’ve made since I started my own business is to be a part of an accountability group. Each Monday three friends and I get together over lunch to talk about our goals (sales and otherwise) and then hold one another accountable for outcomes. We talk about forecasting, contacts, pages written, pounds lost, laps run, etc. We’re all self-motivated small business owners who want to do/be our best. This small group people are a huge part of my success thus far. Here’s why:

• Vulnerability - these are folks I’ve known for a while. I trust them enough to be honest with them about how much money I want to make and what I want my life to look like. I can be vulnerable to them.
• Invested - we care about one another. It’s not uncommon that one or more of us will get a call during the week to see how things are going. “Are you making your calls?” “How are those pages coming along?”
• Consistency - we meet every week. It’s not an on again, off again group. (We do make allowances for school holidays, sick children, business trips, vacations, etc.)
• Accountability - each week I have to share what I’ve done the previous week. Not doing what I said I was going to do previously is hard. I don’t want to let these folks (and myself) down.
• Big Girl Panties (or Big Boy Underwear) - we come each week, expecting hard questions and aren’t afraid to get beat up a little bit. Don’t come to lunch if you’re not willing to let someone give you constructive feedback.
• Results - because we are fully engaged in the process, we’re all seeing positive results, not only in business but in life.

It’s nearly time for lunch. I have to grab my notebook and get out the door to go to Charleys. We’re there most Mondays at lunchtime. Say hello if you’re in the neighborhood.

Do you have people who hold you accountable for reaching your goals? If not, why not start an accountability group today?

The following is the eulogy I delivered at my mother’s funeral on Sunday, December 31, 2006.

Good afternoon family, friends and honored guests. It’s my privilege to say a few things to you this afternoon, especially given the fact that I share the gift of gab with so many in my family. In fact, Momma took forever to go to the grocery store because she had to stop and talk to all the babies, and I suspect many grown ups too.

There are many things I could say about Momma/Granny/Momma Cleo/Aunt Cleo/Ms. Hyatt, or just plain Cleo. However you knew her, you may have your own memories to share. If we haven’t heard them already, we’d love to, so please take a few minutes to tell us today, or call us, or write or email.

Lately, I’ve thought a lot about what I learned from Momma. Here are just a few things. Some are funny, some are serious, some are frivolous and others are important. I’ve learned:

• Cheese pancakes are best with syrup, dipped in egg yolk and enjoyed on Saturday mornings after sleepovers, or just around Grandma’s oak table with family.
• I’ve learned that you choose your battles with children carefully. Some things aren’t worth fighting about - like when my brothers and their friends started putting graffiti on their bedroom walls.
• I’ve learned when a mom says she doesn’t want or need anything for Christmas, it’s because she takes joy in giving to others. You can’t buy that.
• Sometimes when you love people, you get hurt. Love anyway. Sometimes when you trust people, they disappoint you. Trust anyway.
• I’ve learned how to play Solitaire, King’s Corners and as soon as I was old enough to hold thirteen cards in my hands, I learned how to play Pinochle. I’ve learned how to bid, count cards, and how to place a winning card on the table so that it makes that “clicking” sound that says, “So there! Top this one, will ya?” I’ve also learned when you let the other team take the bid, you say, “Come in” or was it “Come on?” If you’ve ever played cards with Mom, you can close your eyes and listen and hear it for yourself.
• I’ve learned all parents say, “Because I said so,” and “if Mary jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?” And, “I’m not Mary’s Momma.”

Perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned form Momma is that people are people. You judge them on their character, not their color.

Sometime in the late 60’s or early 70’s the Etheridges moved into our neighborhood and became our friends. Tank, Velma, Jeanine and later, Jarod, became as close as family. Quite unusual in Georgia during that time. They were black. (Still are.)

I’m reminded of that line in the movie, “If You Could See What I Hear” when Mark Singer, playing the role of Tom Sullivan, the blind singer/songwriter, says to his girlfriend at the time, played by Shari Belafonte-Harper, “Oh no! I’m color blind too!”

Momma was colorblind. One time she asked Mrs. Etheridge if she could borrow some suntan lotion, to which Mrs. Etheridge looked down at her beautiful dark skin and replied, “Cleo, we don’t need any.”

One day Momma loaded us up to go to “Misty Waters” swimming pool. Jeanine went with us. When we got out and were setting up towels, someone came over and told Momma that Jeanine had to leave because she was “colored.”

Mom felt horrible! She may not have had the skills to help a little girl resolve such an emotionally charged issue, so she resorted to blow pops. A whole bag of them, right Jeanine? And it’s a lesson we’ll never forget. It’s much better to be colorblind.

The final thing I learned from Mom is that death is not to be feared. Mom knew she was dying and she was ready to go. When I asked her why she wasn’t afraid, she said, “Because I know I’m saved.”

Mom’s in heaven now, where there is no lung cancer and no pulmonary fibrosis. And this woman who could barely carry a tune in a bucket while here on earth, is singing with the angels, day and night, without ceasing,

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.”

She’s laying her crown before the throne, saying,

“You are worthy, Lord God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”

Her voice is ringing out praises,

“Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing. To Him who sits on the throne, and unto the Lamb, be blessing and honor and glory and power. Forever. Amen.”

For nearly 20 years, the second Sunday in May has arrived, bringing with it mixed emotions. As I ponder the significance of tomorrow, and honoring mothers, somehow I feel the need to be less than Hallmark-esque and write about some of the difficulties that surface during this time each year. There’s the pain of infertility, the overwhelming stress of being a single mother, the challenges of admitting the relationship with mom is less than perfect and the sadness of realizing she’s gone. I’m sure there are more. Those are just my personal difficulties with Mother’s Day.

Infertility
My ex-husband and I tried for years, to no avail, to have children. I suspect there was a five-year period when every time I saw mothers with babies I was brought to tears, or nearly so. Mother’s Day was particularly difficult during this time, as were baby showers for friends and baby dedications at church. With every fiber of my being, I wanted to have children. Infertility made Mother’s Day a hard day! (Today I have four children, two by birth and two by marriage. For those struggling with infertility, my heart goes out to you.)

Single Mother
Said ex-husband and I separated in March 1998 when our daughter was two years old and our son was two weeks old. That Mother’s Day was more difficult than any of the previous years. The pain of going through a separation and divorce was harder than anything I’d experienced in life. I didn’t walk down the aisle thinking I would one day be a single mom. Mother’s Days that followed became less difficult (though Father’s Day became harder), as I grew into my role as single mother and my understanding that life is what you make it.

June Cleaver
Although my mom was not June Cleaver, I’m not sure I actually noticed until much later in life. Like many folks willing to be honest, I grew up in a dysfunctional family. It was my normal. Mom and Dad fought all the time. My dad was domineering and my mom often assumed the role of victim. (That’s not easy to type for the whole world to see.) Momma was not ever the attentive type. Looking back now, I can see that she didn’t know how to be emotionally intimate. (She wasn’t equipped and likely hadn’t seen it modeled.) I guess that’s why choosing Mother’s Day cards for her became harder the older I got. I typically chose generic or humorous cards rather than those that were effusive with praise.

Gone
My mother died in December 2006 after a long battle with pulmonary fibrosis and lung cancer. (My brother Terry and I spoke at her funeral. I cried through most of my part. I am an UGLY crier. Wasn’t even sure I could make it to the end at one point.) Just the other week I was looking through the Mother’s Day cards at Target, picking out cards for my mother-in-law, an older “like a mother” friend, girlfriends (one card in Spanish, though I only have a marginal idea what it said, but thought it would be fun to send), and a friend with no children. And there, in between the Girls 7-14 clothing and the card aisles, it hit me. I missed my mom. My eyes filled with tears. The lump in my throat that signals emotion was suddenly present.

Tomorrow will be a great day filled with love from my family and I’ll write about that. Today, I felt it important to share some thoughts on the more difficult side of Mother’s Day. I’m pretty sure there are others who know a bar or two of the Mother’s Day Blues.

Have you ever heard the Mother’s Day Blues? If so, what lyrics did you hear? What were/are your struggles with Mother’s Day?

“In the event of an emergency…secure your own mask first before helping others.”

I use those words from a Delta flight attendant speech at the beginning of my life/work balance workshop. It’s a great analogy really. We are of no real use to others if we’re not taking care of ourselves. Whether I’m speaking to a corporate audience or a faith-based group, participants all agree with that one.

I know, I know. In theory,a weekend or week-long retreat in a gorgeous setting sounds amazing. In practice, taking care of ourselves is very difficult. Life is crazy! Schedules are far too busy. How do we make it happen?

Some simple suggestions:

1. Be intentional - Set an appointment on your calendar for a weekend, a day - heck, even for a couple of hours. Once the appointment is set, don’t let anything (shy of an emergency) keep you from honoring your commitment.
2. Have an agenda - If you’re not participating in a group retreat, you’ll need an agenda to make sure your time isn’t eaten away. Think about what you want to realistically accomplish and how much time you have. Write out your plan and then stick with it. If you’re in a formal retreat/conference setting, take advantage of all there is to offer! Having said that, read on.
3. Be flexible - Sometimes the best things happen while you’re on the way to where you think you’re going. You may have a certain agenda in mind, but be willing to flow with the Spirit. If you need to skip a session in order to have more introspection, don’t stress about it. If you need to attend the same breakout session twice, go for it. Find what works for you.
4. Take some iron - Having another person (or several people) around can enhance your time away. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Nuff said.
5. Grant permission - Give yourself permission to get what you need from your retreat experience. Be true to yourself. Do you need joy? Laugh. Do you need to deal with some tough issues? Cry. Whatever the case, be open.

A couple of times each year, I make it a priority to attend a ladies retreat that absolutely feeds my soul. I’m surrounded by like-minded people who challenge me to fulfill my high calling. I recharge my batteries and renew my relationship with God in ways that don’t typically happen with a normal/day-to-day routine. When I return to family/work, I have a renewed sense of purpose and, at least for a while, have a little more patience and grace with others. What about you?

When was the last time you’ve been on a retreat? What did you learn about yourself? about others? about life? about God? Do you need to secure your own mask first?

Thanks to Chris Cree for the blog idea!

I confess. I love garbage men for two reasons. (My husband knows this already.)

First, I’m the youngest in my family. When my siblings were at school, I had a babysitter named Lillie Belle. I loved Lillie Belle and she loved me. Sometimes, I’m certain, that despite her love for me, I drove her crazy because I talked all the time.

When she needed a break, she would shoosh me outside to get out of her hair and out from underneath her feet. I vividly remember several occasions where I would sit on our back porch steps, waiting for the garbage men to come so I would have someone to talk to. Even then, I loved to meet new people. “Never met a stranger,” as they say.

Secondly, during that time my dad had an old red 1953 Ford pickup truck - the kind that you could stand on the sides. I remember playing for hours standing on those side boards of the parked truck, pretending I was a garbage collector. They were so lucky! I mean, come on, they got to ride on the outside of the truck for their job, every day.

If you share my affinity for the profession, you’ll understand how cool it was to watch this video of two garbage men riding down the street. Watching it brought back fond memories for me.

What jobs did you think were cool when you were growing up? Did you ever try them and if so, how did it turn out? What jobs do you think are really cool now? Do you love what you do?