Last week Peter was working late. It was quickly approaching dinner time so I called to see how much longer he would be. Lots longer. In a stroke of brilliance, Peter suggested I take Morgan on a date.

Morgan, my 10-year old son, was the only child at home that night. His sister was at camp and two step-siblings were at their mom’s house across town. Date night sounded like a great idea so off we went to La Caretta, our family favorite.

In less than 48 hours, we would be dropping off Morgan and his sister to spend six weeks in Indiana with their dad. Date night timing couldn’t be better. As we enjoyed each other’s company, these are a few of the lessons I tried to impart to Morgan:

1. Focus on the other person. The best way to get to know others is to focus on them, rather than dominating the conversation.
2. Ask questions. Whether you’re on a date or in a business setting, it’s always a good idea to ask questions that allow people to talk about what’s important to them. I asked Morgan about his day camp experience and about his newest toy fad.
3. Remember names. While we were at the restaurant, I called our servers by name. (Did I mention it’s our family favorite?) We saw some friends and I reminded Morgan of their names. When we stopped by their table on the way out, he could call them by name.
4. Always pay. Call me old fashion, but I still think the man should pay for dates. (It’s nice for a lady to offer to pay and I suppose if she initiates the date, she should offer/be prepared to pay. Maybe I’ll revisit this conversation in August when he returns.)
5. Trust Jesus; He’s the real deal. The mere fact that Morgan would be gone for six weeks reminded me that date night could be a good time to reinforce key values.

After we left the restaurant, we went to Givens Books and I purchased The Dangerous Book for Boys, thanks to a referral from a Twitter conversation. At the last minute Morgan decided he wanted to watch one of his favorite movies from when he was (really) little. Hollywood Video didn’t have it so we went to Blockbuster. Score! (Last minute choices may be the only down side of Netflix.)

Who knew Land Before Time would be the perfect ending to a mother-son date? In her last words, Little Foot’s mother took the time to teach a few important life lessons as well.

Have you been on a Mother-Son or Father-Daughter date? If so, tell me about it! What life lessons did your parents share with you (or do you wish they had shared with you)? What lessons are you intentionally sharing with your children?

The summer after Peter and I got married, we invited some friends over to give us their ideas for renovating our 1950-60-something ranch-style home, complete with bomb shelter. Tim, an engineer and Melanie, a chemist, (or maybe the other way around) think linearly and we wanted their feedback.

We ended the tour outside on the deck, where we talked about ideas. It was dusk and Little Bit had just had her bath. She came outside in her long, white cotton slip/nightgown, complete with a ruffle at the bottom. Her hair was still wet and amazingly, she was quiet (the girl can talk!) as we discussed design ideas.

At one point in the conversation, my 6’5” husband looked down at Little Bit and said tenderly to her, “You want that; don’t you?” I hadn’t realized it at the time, but Little Bit was intently eyeing at least one firefly that was just out of her reach. Peter saw the desire of her heart and without any effort at all, reached up, cupped the firefly in his hands and lovingly gave her the tiny light.

The look on her face was priceless! She was so elated to have the very thing she wanted, and she entertained herself with it for the next while.

The lesson here, though, is not about the joy of receiving unexpected gifts, or being the recipient of someone else’s abilities. Rather, the lesson for me that day was about the love of a father for his child. Specifically, I witnessed firsthand how my husband loves his little girl and when he has the ability to do something nice for her, he does. It’s that simple really. No effort required.

That night, I believe Peter painted me a picture of God like I had never seen before. Peter showed me that God is like a Father, who loves His children, and desires to give good gifts to them. And for God, it’s no big deal to provide such gifts.

I’m thankful that Little Bit and her brother, as well as Sweet Pea and Ninja Boy have a living example of a loving father/stepfather, who is painting a beautiful picture for them of our own Heavenly Father.

One final note, I’m currently reading The Shack and was struck by a thought in the book when Mack, the main character, wrestles with why God is so often referred to as father. He didn’t have the best fatherly example of God. The author says that sense Creation is so broken, the need to point people to a loving Father is all the more important. You’ll have to read the book to get the full picture.

I’m blessed today, and every day, to see a loving Father relate to our four children in a way that paints a beautiful picture of God.

Happy Father’s Day, Shmitty!

Lately I’ve been so busy working on my business (revising the website, preparing for a client project, learning about social networks, blogging, etc.) that, at times I’ve lost sight of what’s most important - the people around me. The cost of doing business had skyrocketed higher than the price of gasoline and I was completely taken by surprise.

Last night after I said prayers with Sweet Pea and made my way into the hallway just outside her bedroom door, she called me back into her room. My 12-year old daughter wasn’t finished talking. I hadn’t given her enough time. So I went back into her room to hear what she had to say. WHAT she said was not really all that important. The fact that she WANTED to talk was, and I needed to listen.

This morning as Schmitty and I were starting off our day, he pointed out that in the last few weeks we’ve not been very intentional about taking care of our relationship. To be fair, we’ve had a lot going on. Work - his and mine, two trips to Canada related to his father’s hospitalization and passing. We’ve run from soccer field to softball field, to violin lessons, and appointments out the wazoo.

But he was right. We have a great relationship, so it’s fairly easy to notice when something is even slightly off kilter.

Today when my lunch appointment had to reschedule, I saved the block of time so Schmitty and I could have lunch together. We reconnected, though briefly. He had leftover chicken wings and I ate a peanut butter and banana sandwich. And it was good.

The personal cost of starting/running your own business can be great. Today I needed to remember that I don’t want to pay that cost by sacrificing the people around me. My marriage and our family are simply too important.

What about you? How do you keep track of the personal cost of doing business? What do you do when you get off track?

For nearly 20 years, the second Sunday in May has arrived, bringing with it mixed emotions. As I ponder the significance of tomorrow, and honoring mothers, somehow I feel the need to be less than Hallmark-esque and write about some of the difficulties that surface during this time each year. There’s the pain of infertility, the overwhelming stress of being a single mother, the challenges of admitting the relationship with mom is less than perfect and the sadness of realizing she’s gone. I’m sure there are more. Those are just my personal difficulties with Mother’s Day.

Infertility
My ex-husband and I tried for years, to no avail, to have children. I suspect there was a five-year period when every time I saw mothers with babies I was brought to tears, or nearly so. Mother’s Day was particularly difficult during this time, as were baby showers for friends and baby dedications at church. With every fiber of my being, I wanted to have children. Infertility made Mother’s Day a hard day! (Today I have four children, two by birth and two by marriage. For those struggling with infertility, my heart goes out to you.)

Single Mother
Said ex-husband and I separated in March 1998 when our daughter was two years old and our son was two weeks old. That Mother’s Day was more difficult than any of the previous years. The pain of going through a separation and divorce was harder than anything I’d experienced in life. I didn’t walk down the aisle thinking I would one day be a single mom. Mother’s Days that followed became less difficult (though Father’s Day became harder), as I grew into my role as single mother and my understanding that life is what you make it.

June Cleaver
Although my mom was not June Cleaver, I’m not sure I actually noticed until much later in life. Like many folks willing to be honest, I grew up in a dysfunctional family. It was my normal. Mom and Dad fought all the time. My dad was domineering and my mom often assumed the role of victim. (That’s not easy to type for the whole world to see.) Momma was not ever the attentive type. Looking back now, I can see that she didn’t know how to be emotionally intimate. (She wasn’t equipped and likely hadn’t seen it modeled.) I guess that’s why choosing Mother’s Day cards for her became harder the older I got. I typically chose generic or humorous cards rather than those that were effusive with praise.

Gone
My mother died in December 2006 after a long battle with pulmonary fibrosis and lung cancer. (My brother Terry and I spoke at her funeral. I cried through most of my part. I am an UGLY crier. Wasn’t even sure I could make it to the end at one point.) Just the other week I was looking through the Mother’s Day cards at Target, picking out cards for my mother-in-law, an older “like a mother” friend, girlfriends (one card in Spanish, though I only have a marginal idea what it said, but thought it would be fun to send), and a friend with no children. And there, in between the Girls 7-14 clothing and the card aisles, it hit me. I missed my mom. My eyes filled with tears. The lump in my throat that signals emotion was suddenly present.

Tomorrow will be a great day filled with love from my family and I’ll write about that. Today, I felt it important to share some thoughts on the more difficult side of Mother’s Day. I’m pretty sure there are others who know a bar or two of the Mother’s Day Blues.

Have you ever heard the Mother’s Day Blues? If so, what lyrics did you hear? What were/are your struggles with Mother’s Day?