For the last few years, on the evening of the BB&T Virginia 10-Miler, Schmitty and I have attended a beer tasting party/cookout hosted by some friends of mine. The second year, Schmitty (an Introvert) asked me for some tips on how to start a conversation with someone he’s never met before. I encouraged him to have fun and then gave him some questions to ask, similar to the ones below. (I’m also including “10 Conversation Starters for Business Events” and “2 Questions to Avoid and Why.”)

7 Easy to Ask Questions for Social Events

1. How do you like the band/beer/play (fill in the blank) so far?
2. How do you know the hosts? (This tells me about connections and helps me find possible similarities.)
3. What do you do when you’re not at cookouts? (work/family/hobbies)
4. What do you do for a living? or Do you work outside the home?
5. What do you do for fun?
6. How did you end up in Lynchburg?
7. How did you two meet (if you’re talking to a couple)?

10 Conversation Starters for Business Events

1. What does your company do?
2. What’s the best part of working there?
3. What’s the biggest challenge your industry is facing right now? Or What is the most difficult aspect of your job? (I’m uncovering how I can help or whether or not I know someone who can.)
4. What do you do for your company? (What is this person’s area of expertise? If I know others with the same job experience, I may be able to connect them. Or - this person does what Jamal does. Now I get it. Or, Lester’s looking to hire someone with this experience. Might she be interested in making a change?)
5. What do you love about your job? (This could uncover personal motivation and possibly, company culture.)
6. What’s been the best thing that’s happened at work in the last year? (Again, personal motivation among other things)
7. What does it take for someone to be successful at what you do?
8. What tools do you need/use to do your job? (Is there a way I can learn from their efficiencies or point to a better solution? Who do I know that can offer those products/services to this person?)
9. What does your ideal client/customer look like? (Do I know someone or several someones this person just described? Can I help facilitate a connection?)
10. Who do you need to meet/what do you need to help you take your business to the next level?

2 Questions to Avoid and Why

1. Do you have any children? (if Kai is struggling with infertility or has recently lost a child, this is a very difficult question for her. Most parents naturally divulge the children information at some point in a conversation.)
2. Are you married? Unless you want to ask this person out, steer clear of this one. If Bence is going through a divorce, he may not be ready to go into an explanation. You may not be ready to get an ear full.

Here’s the Thing

Schmitty didn’t meet every person at the cookout. That’s not his style and he’s comfortable with that. He did, however, make the effort to meet a few new people, while still maintaining some quiet space of his own at times, sitting in his camp chair or playing with the kids, or people watching. At the end of the night, Schmitty said he really had a good time. You can too!

What questions do you use when meeting new people?
What questions do you avoid and why?
How has your business benefitted from your use of good questions and what were/are they?

Note: This post is the second of a two parts on “Networking (in person) for Introverts.” To read the first part, click here.

You’re an introvert and you suddenly realize networking isn’t an option. Maybe you’re a small business owner and you need to meet new people to grow your business. Maybe your boss wants you to attend some networking events to gain additional visibility for the company. Or perhaps your significant other is dragging you to a social gathering where you’ll be surrounded by people you don’t know. Whatever the case, relax. You can do it and you can do it well. And you just might have some fun in the process!

A Little Background
By definition, an introvert is someone who is shy and primarily concerned with his or her own thoughts or feelings. Being introverted is neither good nor bad. It just is. It’s like being a brunette or a red head.

If you’re an Introvert, you can be just as effective as extraverts when meeting new people. You simply must be more intentional in order to overcome that natural shyness. At the end of such an experience, you may feel drained and in need of recharging your batteries. Fortunately, this can be accomplished by spending time alone or with a very small group of trusted people.

Introverts process internally. They may rehearse ahead of time what they will say to others, whether it’s for a formal presentation or a phone call to a friend. They also want to know what to expect in a given situation. With that in mind, you may find the following networking tips helpful.

A Baker’s Dozen

1. Be positive. Successful networking starts with your attitude. Don’t worry so much about your own shyness or sense of fear. Instead focus on the other person and getting to know him or her.
2. Plan early. If it will put your mind at ease, find the location ahead of time so you know where you’re going and can get a feel for the lay of the land. Doing so will eliminate your need to arrive so early that you end up being the first one there. Not fun at a networking event.
3. Smile.
4. Make and keep eye contact.
5. Extend your hand. A good handshake (web-to-web, firm but not ironclad, and no excessive pumping) is always appropriate.
6. Ask open-ended questions (questions that result in conversation rather than yes/no answers) to uncover common interests and experiences.
7. Speak up. Since the introvert is naturally shy, the tendency is to speak softly. Be sure to enunciate your words clearly and speak loudly enough for the other person to hear you. Be intentional about this!
8. Have a partner. If possible, attend networking events with someone you know. You can tag team one another and when necessary, your partner can help facilitate conversation or rescue you in an uncomfortable situation.
9. Be mobile. Once you find a comfortable conversation, it’s tempting to stay there for the entire event. Move around the room and be sure to meet at least three different people. Afterall, that’s the whole point of networking events - to meet new people.
10. Exchange business cards. Once introductions are made, ask for the other person’s business card and offer your own. Pay attention to the card details/design and if appropriate, comment about it.
11. Make notes. After the conversation is finished or the event is over, make a few notes on the back of the business card to help you remember items discussed.
12. Track the data. Once you leave the event, enter the contact information into your contact management system (Outlook, entourage, ACT! or even gmail). Include the notes you wrote on the back of the card and any additional thoughts.
13. Follow up. Depending on the desired outcome, send a note, an email or give the person a call. Be sure to include comments pertinent to your conversation. Schedule calendar appointments or tasks for additional follow up at regular intervals - 3 months, 6 months, a year, etc.

Tomorrow I’ll post a list of open ended questions and conversation starters that I’ve found helpful when getting to know new people. Today, I want to leave you with a couple of questions about your own networking experiences.

What networking tips have you found to be helpful? How is networking in person the same or different from networking online?