I’ve been processing life the way photographers process images. Only not as artfully nor as expediently.

So much life these last days and weeks.

There was the weekend marching band competition that I chaperoned in Virginia Beach where I started reading Rumors of Water. Sadly, that was the last time I’ve seen the book and our camera…

The next week I spent half a day in a board meeting with my friends on the Lynchburg Day Aglow team. Then there were doctors’ appointments (three in one day: two different kids’ checkups and one for me), a board meeting in Richmond for the Spence Network, then a same day drive to/from Charlottesville to taxi my oldest between Senior Regional Orchestra auditions and marching band competitions.

The next week there was more painting to do, carpet installed in two rooms and a trip to Laity Lodge in Texas. Home Sunday evening, spent the whole day yesterday moving furniture/belongings so each of the kids can now have their own bedrooms. Then more painting.

Lately it seems there’s always. more. painting.

(By the way, what do you think of this BLUE for a 13 year old boy’s bedroom? yeah. Me neither, but then last night Peter invoked the name of Randy Pausch, who said you should let kids paint their rooms whatever color they want…so, for Randy, and for Morgan…)

Throw in 2 of 8 physical therapy sessions on my ankle and you have an idea of how crazy life can be sometimes and why it’s taking me so long to process it all.

Some people process life through poetry. After hearing Julia Kasdorf read several of her poems this weekend, I was enthralled. During one of the bathroom breaks between sessions, I had a quick conversation with Julia. She was every bit as captivating in a casual conversation as she was in a more formal poetry reading.

I haven’t written any poetry since our wedding invitation and I’m entirely sure that doesn’t count as literary poetry.

Nonetheless, when the muse landed Sunday morning as I stared into the mirror while applying makeup, I quickly grabbed my journal and penned the following:

Morning Inspired by Julia Forgive Me Julia

Untitled (but feel free to submit your suggestions in the comments below)

As long as it’s mine
I don’t much mind
the sweetness of
a poot
as it pffffftttttts

I’d like to claim paint fumes have eaten away at whatever functioning brain cells I had, but the poem was written while I was at still enjoying the fresh air and breathtaking scenery at Laity Lodge.

What about you?
How do you process life? And do you have a suggestion for renaming the above poem?

Creative Commons photo on Flickr by Sychio.  

Today.

Why? Two Three Reasons.

1. In non-technical terms, there’s some weird book-buying algorithm thingee that promotes books to the top of best seller lists if they sell a bunch of books on launch day. Today is that day. Because L. L. is a friend, I’d really like to help promote her book.
2. Lest you think I’m purely altruistic, think again. I enjoy L. L.’s writing. I’ve read Stone Crossings and God in the Yard and loved both. Though I’ve not read the Rumors of Water, I know it won’t disappoint. People I know and trust are already recommending it. (See reviews below.)
3. Plain and simple – I need a jump start to get my writing and creativity in gear. This has been a crazy year and I fear my brain is turning to jelly.

If you’re the least bit interested in writing and/or creativity, would you please buy Rumors of Water as well? Today?

But don’t just take my word for it.

What Others are Saying
Glynn said, “It works. It works stunningly well. It works so well that I think I’ve just finished one of the best books on writing I’ve ever read.”

Brought to tears twice by reading Rumors, Diana had this to say, “…I needed Barkat’s written beauty as much as I needed the warmth of the sun and the view of the mountains…And I needed it at a deeper level than I even knew.”

Charity’s words spoke to me. “I had no idea the book would be framed as a master training program for writers, or that she would address the very issues that keep writers like me from taking their art to the next level.” 

“Barkat acknowledges the realities of the publishing world, the likelihood of rejection, and the need for the writer to be willing to work at the craft,” offers Nancy. She also admits to laughing out loud at a pair of sentences.

 What about you?
Are you interested in writing and/or creativity? If so, please consider buying L. L.’s book. We could have our own online book club and read it together.

If writing/creativity isn’t your thing, tell me about the next book you’ll be reading! 

First, I woke up early and refreshed this morning because last night, I was totally wiped out and in bed by 9:30PM. After Peter and I had coffee and he left to go to work, I popped into a friend’s yard sale and snatched up one of those old wooden student desks. I’ve been wanting one for a while, to use as a plant stand, so it was a total SCORE!

Archie and I wogged farther than ever before – I’ll have to get back to you on total mileage, but here is the playlist that got me through:

• Hosanna – Hillsong?
• Daniel – FFH
• The Sound – William McDowell
• No Sweeter Name – Kari Jobe
• Alabaster Jar – Julie Meyer
• You’ll Come – Passion?
• Bless Your Name
• Rain Down – Carlos Whitaker (perfect upbeat tune)
• Won’t Relent – Passion?
• Rain Down – Fighting Temptations with Beyonce (that’ll get ya movin’!)

And finally, I came home to grab a shower and meet Peter for lunch, only I was starving NOW because I hadn’t had breakfast yet – good ol’ chocolate/banana Juice Plus shake.

Only there were no bananas in the house. Lucky for me I found half a frozen banana in the freezer, hidden behind some other stuff.

Unfortunately, there was really no chocolate JP powder in the house. Only vanilla. And really? What’s the point? So, I did my best substitution and added hot cocoa mix. Only it had those tiny marshmallows but hey, bananas and marshamallows go together, right?

But it wasn’t choclatey enough and I didn’t want a ton of marshmallows. Good thing I remembered cocoa powder!

Shake made and consumed.

Now, if only the *guy in the bedroom would leave so I can take a shower and meet Peter for lunch.

*It’s the alarm guy, fixing the alarm on the newly installed door.

What about you?
What can you do in five minutes? What’s your favorite quick breakfast? And most importantly – chocolate or vanilla?

This post is part of Ann Kroeker’s Food on Friday and while technically it doesn’t fit with Lisa-Jo’s Five Minute Friday, I did a backward post yesterday, and I typed fast today. So maybe it partially counts. :)

Whatever you call it, for the last few months, I seem to be stuck. Stuck in the “what to do next” phase. I don’t have a sense that I’m supposed to be doing social media or marketing consulting anymore. Nor do I think I should necessarily be working full time in a marketing position, even for a non-profit organization.

But I want more. Need more.

I’m an extrovert, so being at home alone during the day is challenging. I recharge my batteries by being with large groups of people. There are times throughout the week and month that I’m in larger group settings, but those times are the exception rather than the rule. As a result, it seems like I’ve had a slow but steady leak of energy over these last few months.

I need structure and routine (though I would say I prefer to be unstructured)  because, left to my own devices, I can waste the time away, with very little to show for it at day’s end. Some days I find it’s already 3PM and I haven’t showered or worse, brushed my teeth. The house still isn’t clean and aside from the morning routine of getting four children and a husband up and out each day, the only thing I can say is I’ve watched videos of Antoine or the Bear and the Double Rainbow. Granted, not every day is like that, but if I’m really honest, too many are.

I’ve never considered myself to be like Martha Stewart or June Cleaver, so the idea of staying home to clean the house and have dinner ready every day, is not terribly fulfilling. (Please don’t hear me as whining or complaining. I realize how very blessed I am. I’m mostly just trying to sort through life as I know it.)

Certain Realities

• I like having the flexibility to get the kids on the bus in the mornings, though that time often stresses me out. I suspect, however, I would be even more stressed if I had to get myself ready and out the door at the same time.
• I like being home when the kids get home from school. I relish the time we have together, when they’re talkative about the things that happen to them during the day. <3
• I like being able to go for a run/walk with the dog, and being able to do that for an hour or slightly less each day. I feel better when I exercise. Archie feels better. And it’s good for my mind/spirit. God is teaching me something about discipline – something I’ve lacked my entire life. I’m still not there yet…
• I like being able to work a few hours a week for The High Calling, and being able to fit that time in based on what works best for my family. I like making connections with amazing bloggers around the world. I really like that.
• I like facilitating Huddle groups, and having time each week to prepare/pray. I like using the time immediately following our call for follow up.
• I like having the time to devote to Aglow. Serving on the Leadership Team for Lynchburg Day Aglow is fulfilling. Being part of the ministry of Aglow is fulfilling. I believe it is one place where I absolutely know, “this is it!”

But beyond that, I don’t know where “it” is, so I’m blogging this piece to help me sort through it all. To borrow a phrase from Oprah, here’s:

What I Know for Sure

• It’s about ministry. My heart skips a beat when faith is part of my interactions with others.
• God cares less about my vision than He does about my relationship with Him, step by step. It’s about abiding.
• I was made for worship. Technically, we all were, but there’s more somehow. I may have to journal or blog more about this in the weeks ahead.
• Oh yeah, and writing. But I’m missing some clarity on this point as well.

I’m sure there’s a lot more, but the afternoon routine begins in half an hour and I because of the rain, I haven’t gone for my run yet today. I need to clear my thoughts, hear God, and prepare for the sure butt kicking I’m going to get in tomorrow’s 2 mile Cross Country Partner Race tomorrow afternoon with Morgan, my 12 year old son.

What about you?
Have you had times of feeling depressed, stuck or in a funk?

A Prayer
Heavenly Father, today I’m not even sure where to begin. I don’t know how to pray beyond what I’ve been praying these last few months. Maybe you’ve been saying something all along and I’ve missed it. Or maybe you’ve been intentionally quiet so I would draw closer to you. Whatever the case, God, give me all of you. Or at least all that I can bear. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Even as I write this post, my thoughts are jumbled, but they center around four points.

1. Lent and Fasting
2. My Growing Appetite
3. Moving Toward
4. Accountability

Lent and Fasting
As I considered what to give up this year for Lent, two things came to mind. Sugar and social media. Frankly, I rationalized why those were bad ideas. I couldn’t give up social media because it’s tied into what I do for a living. That would be ridiculous. And sugar? Far too difficult to maintain. So I decided to give up dessert. My “fast” only lasted for a few days, maybe a couple of weeks at most.

Surely Jesus would understand.

My Growing Appetite
I’m speaking both physically and metaphorically. The physical part really needs no explanation. Look as far as my waistline and you’ll see the results of increased food intake. When I look in the mirror, I no longer see the skinny high school girl, nor the young woman to whom people often commented, “You should be a model.”  Sadly, I’m on the wrong side of the age/metabolism/weight equation but my behavior hasn’t changed.

The metaphorical part is about my appetite for connectivity, including social media interaction. My appetite is fiercely out of proportion with my ability to maintain the intake. (Maybe you know what I mean.) How many times during a day (during a minute) do I really need to check email? Why do I feel the need to read what everyone‘s doing on Facebook? In the grand scheme of things, what difference does it make if I interact with thousands of people (or even a hundred) on Twitter? And just because I CAN do something, may not mean that I SHOULD be doing it.

My appetite is out of whack.

Moving Toward
Over the last few months, God has been moving me towards writing. Again. (I’m such a slow learner!) I know it as surely as I know my name is Cheryl Smith. I am to write the story of His faithfulness in my life so it can be an encouragement for others who are going through difficult times. And I’m making progress.

But the writing is slow. And I get distracted. Easily. And it’s tough writing about the hard places of life.

So I’ve wrestled a lot with God. (Please tell me you do this too.) Wanting to obey Him, within the depths of my heart. Wanting to be faithful as He has been faithful. When it comes right down to it, however, I’m still walking according to my own will. Flesh. I’ve gotten really good at rationalizing and making excuses. And spending my time connecting with others and teaching them how to connect with others, instead of doing what I know is my calling.

“The good is the enemy of the best.”

Accountability
On Monday this week I participated in my first Leadership Huddle phone call. At the invitation of John Chandler of the Spence Network, I’ll be engaging with leaders throughout Virginia Baptist life on a regular basis. The “huddle” is for an hour a week (give or take for holidays), for the next twelve weeks.

During the first call we talked about the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness and which of the three temptations we might be experiencing. (My temptation was appetite.) John offered “a prescription” to help me address that area of temptation. Any guesses? Fasting.

Thankfully, though I tried to ignore God’s invitation to sacrifice something during Lent, He gave me another chance to obey. Not because He wants obedience. Rather, He wants to refine the attitudes and actions within me that keep me from His plan and purpose in my life. His best for me. Next week I’m to give an account for how I’m doing with my prescription.

It’s high challenge.

So What?
Between now and Easter I’m hitting the reset button.

Other than what is necessary for my commitment as Welcome Editor for High Calling Blogs (and a presentation on social media next week for the Bluefield Chamber), I’m going to fast from my use of social media to help me reset my perspective on connectivity. I’m also giving up sugar and carbs, to help me reset my perspective on food.

My prayer is that I will use the extra time and energy to write more of that story about God’s faithfulness in my life.

Dear Lord, My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. Emmanuel, be with me. Empower me through your Holy Spirit.

What About You?

• Do you ever feel like life needs a reset button?
  
• What have you moved away from, in order to move towards?
  
• How has accountability played a role in realizing God’s purpose for your life?

I’d love to hear your answers in the form of a comment.

Creative Commons photo on Flickr by krunkwerke.

After praying about where God would have me focus my time and attention this year, I came up with my own three words for 2009. They are:

1. Friends
2. Writer
3. Infants

Friends
It seems at every turn in the last few months, I’ve come across books, speakers and testimonies that all highlight the power of positive friendships. As a result, in 2009 I am nurturing a few key relationships with women who understand who I am and the call that God has on my life. I am being vulnerable by sharing my hopes and dreams as well as my fears and failures, trusting that God will use these ladies to sharpen me and bring me into the place of His choosing. It may not seem like much of a business strategy, unless you’ve read Vital Friends, The Power of Who or Say Yes to No.

Writer
I’ve been writing since I was 12 years old – stories, diary entries, devotional thoughts and more. Last month I wrote a post about two women who, independently of one another, affirmed God’s call on my life to write. You can read about that here. In 2009, I am spending more time writing what God has laid on my heart. I am also intentionally developing relationships with people in the writing industry – writers, publishers, agents, editors, publicists and more. Admittedly, I’m not quite sure what God has in store but I fully believe this is a strategic step in line with my calling and purpose.

Infants
I like beginnings – starting new things. It’s actually fun when I get to work with a new business owner or a ministry leader embarking on a new journey. In 2009, I am working with leaders looking for new ways to engage people. So far I’ve:

• Provided leadership coaching for new business owners
• Offered social media consulting for chamber professionals and their members
• Helped ministry leaders develop new opportunities to make broader kingdom impact

My Three Words
Friends. Writer. Infants.

I’m using them to help me stay focused on specific areas of my business. These are the words that will help me use my time most effectively and make sure I don’t get too far off the intended path. Throughout the year, I’ll keep you posted on how I’m doing.

What about you?
What priorities have you identified for 2009 and how are you staying focused? If you had to determine your own three words for this year, what would they be? And what advice or feedback would you give me for 2009, based on the three words I’ve identified?

Today, I got this email from my friend Laura:
“I was reading this Scripture verse yesterday and your face came before me:

My heart is overflowing with a good theme;
I recite my composition concerning the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
Psalm 45:1”

You can bet those words jumped out at me!

READY WRITER.

Coincidence or God Moment? What do you think? And have you ever had the sense that God was asking you to say a prayer or share a passage with someone?

I’m thankful for obedient people who have been faithful to sow good things into my life. May I be found likewise, faithful.

Whoever coined the phrase “one size fits all” was a marketing genius. He or she was inaccurate, but since when does marketing have to be accurate?

God simply did not create us all the same. Yet for some reason, we still try to be like everyone else. This point was brought home to me recently while I was attending a ladies retreat.

During a particularly intense time of prayer on Friday evening, Joy Greene, the speaker, said she could just see Jesus as the King of Kings, sitting on the throne. She encouraged us to focus on that aspect of God. I was in the moment, praying, but all I could see were the shadows you see when you close your eyes tightly. No matter how hard I tried, I saw nothing.

The next morning during the praise and worship time, capably led by Treva Tankard and Tara Garrett, a picture popped into my mind from out of nowhere. It had nothing to do with the music or what anyone was saying, or so I thought. I saw the Pillsbury Doughboy and even heard his famous laugh. The picture was so vivid that I wrote it down in my journal, mostly so I could stop being distracted and focus on the rest of the day.

At one point during the afternoon session, Joy said, “We must have fresh bread.” She challenged us, saying God is taking us away from the manna and into the Promised Land. And then it hit me. Jesus said in John 6:48, “I am the bread of life.”

I was blown away. Here I was, all disappointed because I didn’t see Jesus as the King of Kings. Then I’m a weirdo because I see the Pillsbury Doughboy. The truth is, God revealed Himself to me in a way that was unique to me, to this part of my journey and based on the words I need to hear.

As I look at marketing my business, speaking and writing, I don’t fit neatly into anyone else’s mold. If I try to be like someone else, I’ll be frustrated and unsuccessful. I’m not a social media expert like Chris Brogan. I’m not a minister like Jon Swanson. I’m simply a Christian, following a call to use the gifts and talents God has given me to make a difference in the lives of others.

When have you tried to be like others and failed? What are your gifts? How are you using those gifts to make a difference in the lives of others?

I used to know a poem by Ann Kiemel, “Uniqueness.” Only the beginning and ending are still in my memory. “God wishes for you adventure in your uniqueness…never losing sight of the fun of you or who He created you to be.” May it be so for all of us.